How To Get A Walrus On A Moped


There’s an old Gaelic saying that goes “if you know how to do that, you’ll know how to get a walrus on a moped” – of course, that is the English translation, the original is in Gaelic!

My grand-dad was very fond of using it, as was his father before him and his father before him. It skipped a generation with my own father who hated the phrase. He’d often say “Gabh Transna Ort Fhéin” which roughly translates as “go [expletive removed] yourself sideways” or “kronchflong”.

Personally I LOVE the phrase and use it whenever the situation allows, much to my father’s dismay and chagrin.


I’ve uttered these words many, many times throughout my forty-odd years on this planet but it was only today (after a spotty, nerdy kid fixed my computer) that I actually considered the words I had spoken and it got me thinking…

…how the hell would a walrus operate the moped’s throttle?

I mean, they don’t have hands, do they? They’ve got, flippers. They wouldn’t be able to grip!

And I guess you need a bit more than 50cc to move a walrus. They must weigh about a tonne!

Plus the suspension would surely break under the strain. Hell, the chassis would warp with a walrus on it!

The more I got to thinking about, the more ridiculous it became.

But I suppose that is the whole point of this Gaelic proverb that has existed for many centuries.

Essentially, it means that if your able to do something that is quite difficult, you’ll be able to perform other miracles as well. And it also reinforces that the task that is the focus of your statement is extremely hard to accomplish.


Coming from a Gaelic heritage, I love to explore the history of my people and the traditions of my ancestors and have enjoyed my little foray into the philosophical today.

But if you do have any suggestions about how to get a walrus on a moped, please pop your answers on a postcard…or in the comments section below.

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